Do you still have a soul? If so... you might be interested in trading it in for this... the beerito.
"Then we bake porter-marinated bacon and not only chop it up in to bits for the beerito filling, but then lay two strips in the beerito. The beerito is then wrapped in porter-soaked tortillas, wrapped with two thicker porter-marinated strips of bacon. It's then dipped in beer batter and deep fried." -Sheniferous